I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
