who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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