The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
