How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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