My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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