So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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