my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
