Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
