so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
