Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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