I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
