I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize