His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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