Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
