Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
