youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
