TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
