I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
