ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
