i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
