Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize