All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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