There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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