i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
