remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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