That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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