ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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