woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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