That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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