Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
