next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
