I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
