he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
