I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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