how can u be prego again
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
