Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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