Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
