no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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