I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
