His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
