I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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