I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
