So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
