I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
