I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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