Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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