Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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