Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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