Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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