They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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