is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize