I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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