my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
