y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
