Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
