i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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