I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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