I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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