Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I could make wine with my vomit
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
