apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My vagina is officially offended.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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