I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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