Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
