um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My vagina is officially offended.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
