id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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