there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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