dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
