On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
