My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
