I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
