whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
