So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
