Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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