That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
