I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
