I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
