Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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